Today was a quiet day on the home front.  We were to have down time in the morning and then meet our guide at noon to go to Lingyin Temple and to cruise the West Lake.   We awoke this morning to a smiling little guy.  Went down to breakfast and discovered that he loves eating everything that crosses his path!!  I was still recouping from being sick, so when we went down to breakfast, I ate very little, and whatever did go down began some minor stomach cramps, so I thought it was best not to eat.  I've decided to take take it very slow for the time being until I am completely back to health.

At about 11 am, we really were exhausted and enjoying the down time, not to mention the rain and 50 degree weather outside. So, we checked with the Mansfields and all agreed upon postponing the touring until tomorrow.  We said we'd meet up later in the afternoon to go to a Century Mart (like a small Wal-Mart) that Scott had discovered on his ventures with Amanda) and we'd all have dinner at Pizza Hut!  Chinese food is really low on my list of favorites now.  

At about 1 pm, we all met in the lobby and off we went!   Scott pointed out a high school and some other landmarks that he had encountered.  When we finally arrived at Century Mart it was interesting to see that they had lockers in the front.  You cannot carry backpacks or any kind of bags into the store.  Your personal items (minus money of course) needs to be stored there while you shop.  I must say that I have laughed so much this week with the Mansfield boys!   What a hoot they are!  We all walked into the store and of course immediately starting getting looks.  They are not used to many adoptions in this province, and certainly not used to Americans.  Wherever we went, there was an employee "assigned" to follow us.  It was quite funny when we got to the baby food aisle and our choices are BONE PASTE or PUMPKIN AND FISH PASTE!  EWWWW!!!  But, we figured the kids would eat it!  LOL!  Kai, for one, has not said no to anything that has crossed his lips.  I was so concerned about him eating with an open palate and being very careful.  Oh my gosh!  This kid would be a cannibal if they let him!  He can put down pizza with the best of 'em!  He loves his food.  Which makes Mommy very happy because I think in the few days he's been ours, he's already putting on weight!

We ended up buying some Chinese Lays chips (another variety of weird flavors like BAR-B-QUED EEL!!), tons of water, sodas and snacks for when there was no choice but to eat Chinese.  Kai had been held by Scott most of the day because he wanted nothing to do with me....but leaving the store (we walked there) Scott had to carry back 6 liters of water the 5 blocks to the hotel.  I certainly wasn't going to do it.  So, Kai had to come to Mama!  Oh Lord!!  You'd have thought he was being eaten alive slowly by a grizzly bear.  If we hadn't attracted a crowd then, we certainly did now.  I didn't want to wait outside of the store because then I would have been a side show on the busy sidewalks.  All I would have needed was a hat to put on the ground to collect money!  So, I stayed inside....which by the way, Century Mart has great acoustics.  His screams were heard in every corner of the store.  I even had a Chinese woman (among 20 that were staring and speaking Chinese around me as they pointed) stand in front of me and motion with her hands to feed him.  I kept saying...."No...he wants Baba (Daddy)"  They'd look at Scott, who pretended he didn't know me so that he'd be left out of the circus act, and then look back at me puzzled.  Kai's white face was beet red...snot and drool dripping from his sweaty little face, throwing himself backwards and I gently hummed and smiled at the pointing passersby.  A long afternoon indeed.  We got back to the hotel and I waited in the lobby while the guys went up and put our groceries in the room.  When Scott came back and Kai saw him...the same show.  I finally said..."Here you go!  You have a son!"  Of course, Scott beamed with pride, Kai was glowing and smiling from ear to ear, snot-faced and all....and I felt like crap.  But I understood, and it made me love that little person even more thinking about how hard it must be for him.  We went to Pizza Hut where of course, the heat was on.  Ok..I'm gonna take a moment to really *itch!  What is up with no air-conditioning in stores and restaurants?  OMG!  I've been dying here!  Between not being able to have ice and not having air conditioning....it's torture.  I'm gonna get to Newark and RUN to a Coke stand and ask for tons of ice.  Going back to Pizza Hut.  We screwed up reading the menus, and ended up buying 3 large pizzas for 5 people.  A total waste, but it made great leftovers.  

Afterwards....we headed back to the room.  And then it happened, my first real night with a screaming, grieving, angry little boy.  I had read it 1000x times in books and other adoptive parents' journals, I had spoken to friends who had experienced it before, but never did I think that my angelic looking, sweet little boy could be so angry inside.   I gave him his nightly bath (this was the 3rd night with him) then started the little routine of massaging him with lotion, while I sang and talked to him, trying to make lots of eye contact.  I could see it was starting to work itself up.  The sweet look began to turn into sadness, then very shortly afterwards, I picked him up to rock him to sleep and then something from deep within him started pouring out.  First, it was loud cries, which quickly turned to what I can only describe as pent up anger.  His little fist clenched and with all of his might he was pushing me away, again with the beet-red face, but this time very different than the store....he was obviously hurting and angry.  I did what I had read about in the books.   I tried holding him close and keeping his swinging arms from hitting my face and just kept whispering to him how sorry I was that he had to go through this and how much I loved him.  Over and over....the anger and hostility got even stronger, finally 30 minutes later....his little arms and legs began to weaken and the screams were down to whimpers with heartbreaking sulks.  My poor baby has been through so much in his little 22 months of life.  To have suffered 2 losses in his life, first his birthmother, and now the only woman he's ever known, his nanny, must be devastating.  I can't even fathom what must be going through his little mind.  But I know that our God is good, and His love is unconditional and we will get through this together.  40 minutes from the time I picked him up.....he fell asleep.  I don't even want to think about what his feelings for me will be in the morning.  But, I do know what my feelings for him will be...to love him even more than I do today, if that's even possible.